Memory In Context: Robin #167.

[detectivewonder]

Okay. I need to talk this out to put in in Aather-context for Tim. His first memory is riding the rails with Nightwing -- the first half of Nightwing #25. It's an encouraging memory. It shows teamwork, intelligence, mobility -- it shows Tim that there's somewhere he fits and that within that frame, he can do incredible things.

Then he's in Aather. Still coming off the adrenaline high, he learns a few things about himself very quickly. He has family. He can choose between multiple identities. He has a place he belongs here, and an incredible job. He's smart -- Cass and Jason both say it, and it obsesses him a little, this idea of being smart. It's a need, now.

The first game throws him together in a partnership with Eureka -- he only calls her Luna because he's really embracing the idea of team-as-identity. He also learns quickly that a lot of people in Aather see the situation very differently, so every new fact he learns he wants to cross-check. As a result of his one spell battle (and I could talk forever about Robin and D/S dynamics courtesy of Loveless, but let's skip it for now), he gets two things: a skill (parkour) and a friend (Luna).

He holds off on the skill for several hours, consulting several people -- mainly Jaina & Bubbles -- about why people might or might not gain back their memories. Bubbles shares "I've Got A Dream" with him, which further reinforces his optimistic, goal-oriented attitude. He takes his skill and spends a day or so running and jumping and vaulting everywhere, agreeing to teach Jill parkour in exchange for archery, arranging with Cass to quest for a bow... also talking to Jason again, which is a little discouraging.

At some point during this he, Solstice, & Luna play & lose a wordgame. He's not overly concerned -- it seemed pretty trivial and it didn't play to any of their strengths. Chalk it up to a learning experience. From Sol's knowledge of poisons, he becomes slightly suspicious, but that's dispelled when he talks to Kaito later.

The next day, Guinevere & Columbine give out a pair of quests that parkour is ideally suited for, firing up that urge to help in him again.

Then, the Risk game. Arguing strategy with Obsidian was intimidating and fun, and while in the game itself luck may have played as big a role as skill, the fact is that the Amethyst/Iolite coalition made a string of thoughtful, successful choices and finished second. This leaves Tim in a GREAT place. He feels reassured of his smartness, closer to the two teammates he was already closest to... he suggests they all view their memories together, in case any of them have a bad experience, but that's caution. He's thrilled to get back this memory.

It starts off with determination. Moving fast through moving traffic. Not too unlike his last memory, but he;s alone and tense and he has a purpose. Bringing in a batch of escaped convicts. His successes at it don't release the tension. He speaks briefly to a man he respects (Commissioner Gordon), and is evasive. At this point Tim would realize there's some huge, pendulous weight that he's avoiding thinking of.

He's off his game, unfocused... and still performing at a much higher standard than Eclipse, of course. He's getting some clue what he's capable of.

Then, there's a hostage situation, one fatality. A father whose young child is still a hostage. Tim starts thinking about loss. THIS will bug him a lot later -- he knows he's lost a lot recently, but he doesn't dwell on the other losses here. WHO DID HE LOSE?

He breaks in to where the hostages are being held, and all Hell breaks loose. He asks the little girl who killed her father, she points at one of the gunmen... and Tim goes nuts. Every other guy in the room is down and out in single-digit seconds. This is a high perforance level for Tim at any point in his career. Then it's mano-a-mano with the father-killer.

Tim beats him very nearly to death, bare-handed. SWAT has to pull him off the guy. He's horrified, furious with himself... and still on the job. He takes out one more criminal escapee while mostly at war with himself, not the other guy, reflecting on justice, vengeance, and failure.

Then we cut to him confessing all this to his father's grave. Never again, he swears. He won't permit that kind of lapse. And he won't lose anyone again. Ever. he won't allow it. He'll get better, smarter, faster.

He'll earn forgiveness.

Batman comes to take him away, also penitent before Tim's father's grave. The last words before the memory fades are Batman's.

"Goodnight, Jack. I'll take it from here."
 What Tim gets out of this:  guilt, of course, and fear of what he's capable of, and grief, and confusion, and a desire to know who he lost and how and why.  Those are the foremost things and they're going to stay with him.  He's warier and more pessimistic already.

But.  There's also that drive.  He has the same energy as before, but now he remembers what he did with it, and what he *swore* to do with it.  He's going to come out of this memory a determinator, a guided missile set on rapid and comprehensive self-improvement.  And that's not going to fade until either time or other memories make it.

Neither is the guilt and the sense of taking every failure to protect someone personally.